Giving
by PhAnToM PhIrE and TYBA
Summary: I know I can never have him, but I chase him anyway. I know in his eyes I’m just an annoying cousin. I know he’ll never love me—but I love him… So I’m giving in. [Meiling POV, OOC]


**_Wheee_****_._****_ A one-shot about how Meiling feels about the Sakura-Syaoran-Meilin triangle. This is set a few years after the end of Master of the Clow, when Syaoran goes back to Japan. I know Meilin wasn't in Master of the Clow, but she was in the original CCS, so this is just an…extension. Yeah. And you've been warned, it's out of character. R & R please. _**

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**_Disclaimer: I do not own or use any of the CCS characters for my personal use besides writing fanfiction. Happy now?!_**

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**Giving**

By Phantom Phire

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As I look out the smudged apartment windows to the streets far below, I can see them both walking away, hand in hand.

She smiles, that cheerful and heart-warming grin, the wind playing with her chocolate brown hair, emerald green eyes shining in happiness. And he, he smiles in return, amber orbs meeting hers as they both burst out laughing.

Li Syaoran and Kinomoto Sakura. A pair that everyone—everyone at Tomoeda elementary says are meant to be.

And while I carefully make sure my face doesn't move, in case Wei walks in, I can feel my broken heart crying inside.

At one time, an absolutely hated Sakura. To me, she not only took Syaoran's attention, but she was _always_ center-stage. Sakura this, Sakura that. Sakura, are you okay?! Sakura, where are you?!! I thought she was selfish, immature girl.

But now I know that everything I thought of her was a lie. A lie I made up, just to give her imaginary faults and make myself feel better. Feel better that I was cuter, stronger, smarter…better at capturing the Clow Cards.

And who won in the end?

Sakura.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that I could never truly be Syaoran's fiancé—not because we were cousins, but because he would never love me. Never love me the way he fell in love with Sakura. I did everything possible to wreck what could be a relationship between the two—I tried to be better than Sakura. But it never worked. And now, I figure…It never would have in the first place, no matter how hard I tried.

I tried really hard—I tried to capture his attention with everything possible. I guess that with trying so hard, I even got bitchy along the way. Annoying and always, _always_ interfering. I got so wrapped up in trying to win Syaoran over, I never realized that love wasn't chosen by looks, or anything superficial thing like that.

_Love looks not with the eyes, but with the heart._

The day at home in Hong Kong, when Syaoran announced he was returning to Japan (permanently) I already knew I lost. But somehow, I couldn't let go. I remember younger years, playing with Syaoran. I adored him as a brother—and later on—as my self-proclaimed fiancé.

The day he told us all—his mother, his four sisters, and I—about his departure, I can undoubtedly call the best and the worst day of my life.

For the worst, I realized that I never had nor would have him. And I didn't even try protesting, or clinging, or begging him to stay. I could see a new light in those cool, amber eyes—burning with affection whenever he mentioned her name.

And for the best—I realized what has been clouding my mind for so long. Even if my heart broke, even if my soul was drenched in pain, in agony—the words set my spirit free. The bad feelings went away too. The feeling of not being strong enough, of never being any good at anything, no matter how hard I worked at it lifted away.

I stood up from my seat on the window bench as the pair paraded out of my view, shortly joined by Tomoyo and her faithful camera, Syaoran dive-bombed by Kero. Somehow, a weak chuckle bubbled from my throat…the first I've remotely found something humorous in a long, long, time.

"Wei, I'm leaving now. Please tell Syaoran I said good bye."

"Mistress Li, I thought you were leaving next week, with the end of Spring Break?" The servant sounded surprised, but after seeing my face he silenced himself and bowed deeply. "Then, Mistress, I wish you a safe trip, and your message shall reach Master Li."

"Don't call me that anymore."

"Huh?"

"'Mistress Li'. It's Meiling, jut Meiling." When the words escaped my mouth, my soul seemed to break free from my broken heart. The shattered remains gave way, and as I slowly walked through the building and out the door, I halted at the bus stop and breathed deeply.

This is it, Sakura. I stared off in the direction I'd last seen the two dance off in, as the bus pulled up to the stop. The driver helped load my suitcases as I climbed aboard, pushing down a window and sticking my head out. The wheels slowly started turning, and as the wind built up it tossed my hair around. It reminded me of all the battles we shared—and how I have given in to you, Sakura. I already gave up trying to capture the cards long, long ago. But now…I give up Li Syaoran, too. I give up the thoughts, the dreams, the hopes, that bound me for so long…I'm giving up.


End file.
